Bullies, Trolls and Mental Abuse

We call them trolls, keyboard warriors, or even haters. Through the rise of social media, the use of screen names, and other ways to hide, bullies run rampant throughout our lives. We know their words shouldn't hurt us, but they still do. 

I have been using a program called Paltalk for nearly twenty-five years; I was on Pal when they first started as a way to speak to my pen pal in Finland for free. I left Paltalk when I was in college; after I started my career, I returned. I hoped to rekindle some old friendships and make new friends. Yet, online bullies have learned that they can say whatever they want and no one will punch them in the face! 

There is an expectation that, as children mature into adults, bullying behavior will decrease. Society often views bullying as a problem of youth. There are many programs in place to educate young people about the effects of bullying. There are few such programs for adults. This creates a veil of silence for the adult victims of bullying. 

Bullies may also have an exaggerated sense of self, low self-esteem, or a lack of ability to feel remorse or guilt about inflicting harm on others. Bullies who are unable to feel empathy have probably always been bullies. They are the adult version of the playground bully. Attempting to gain self-esteem by hurting others is pathological and painful to the victims of such abuse. The adult bully is unable to break the psychological cycle that he or she learned as a child and carries on that destructive behavior in their home, work, or social environment.

Bullying behaviors online include public name-calling, and spreading malicious rumors. Online chat programs have become natural environments for interpersonal conflicts and bullying occurs because there is often competition and conflict between employees. Just like in the workplace, online bullying is typified by “differences of opinions, a competition for power and territoriality, jealousy, prejudice, envy, and problematic group dynamics.”

So why do some adults become cyberbullies? There may be many triggers for cyberbullying, such as relationship fights or breakups. Other triggers may be motivated by hate or bias because the victim is different in terms of race, religion, disability, sexual orientation, or body shape o
r size. Sometimes the motivation is simply entertainment. The bully is bored and posts hurtful things about someone else using the guise of making a joke. Often, cyberbullying is an outlet for adults who do not know how to deal with feelings of social frustration.

The prevalence of cyberbullying is increasing because people are more likely to say things online that they would not say face-to-face. Disinhibition, or a lack of restraint, including disregard for normal social conventions, is much easier when the bully does not have to see the victim. The technology acts as a buffer from the normal social cues. The bully may believe, because they cannot see the victim, that the negative actions are somehow less hurtful.

Right now there is no research on the effects of cyberbullying on adults, Raskauskas and Stolz (2007) observed that teenage cyber-victims reported depression, sadness, hopelessness, and anxiety. Kowalski and colleagues (2008) showed that cyber-victims had high levels of social anxiety and low self-esteem.

Knowing the type helps you select the most effective strategies. The first type of bully is characterized by an inferiority complex. These individuals say to themselves, "If I can put you down and point out your shortcomings, then the attention is off of my inadequacies, I build myself up, and you become subservient to me."

The second type of adult bully possesses no compassion or remorse for their harassing and negative behavior. Their bullying can be hurtful and aggressive. They say what they want in a demeaning manner with no regard for others' feelings. They often characterize themselves as outspoken and brutally honest. They have a short fuse and can become verbally aggressive.

The third type exhibits a personality embedded with arrogant and self-righteous behavior. They believe they are superior to others. Their version of the truth is the reality, and they are closed off to other thoughts or ideas. They will belittle and talk down to you in a self-righteous manner in an attempt to get you to say or do what they want.

The fourth type requires compassion and understanding to deal with effectively. When people are suffering, it is difficult for these individuals to care for anything other than their own pain. They will say and do things they would not normally do or say so as to relieve some of their pain. They can become angry, overly sensitive, and envious of your health. This type of bullying erupts in work and family settings when someone is dealing with a lot of stress, psychological challenges, or medical issues.

The results from a Scandinavian Journal of Work, Environment & Health study suggest that exposure to bullying is associated with an elevated risk of suicidal behavior among men and women.

According to Psychiatric Times, Victims of bullying consistently exhibit more depressive symptoms than non-victims; they have high levels of suicidal ideation and are more likely to attempt suicide than non-victims.

So does the Bible address bullying? Indeed. 

Deuteronomy 31:6 reminds us "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

Matthew 5:11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.

Proverbs 22:10 Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.

Then there are the host of verses that tell us to love our enemies. I won't lie, I write this post from a place of experience, in fact, my bully is a retired school teacher who got a "hat" making them an admin in a room where they are free to harass, bully, and make people generally unhappy. To be honest, this person bullies so hard that I have stopped praying for their heart to change and instead for the Lord to quickly take them out. After all, King David prayed for the death of his enemies. 

Look no further than the Psalms.  Psalm 109 is very troubling to most because it is perhaps the strongest imprecatory psalm in the Psalter. David, the author of the psalm as indicated in the superscription, calls upon God to destroy his enemies in the most horrible ways. According to Perowne, there are no less than 30 anathemas pronounced upon David’s enemies in this one psalm. The problem we face in Psalm 109 is not restricted to this psalm, however. Other Psalms contain similar prayers for the punishment of evildoers: “Do Thou add iniquity to their iniquity, and may they not come into Thy righteousness. May they be blotted out of the book of life, and may they not be recorded with the righteous” (Ps. 69:27-28). 

When a bully shows up in a group of Christians, it is the job of the Christians to hold that person accountable. Rev. Laurie Haller says "Point out to the bully the negative influence of their behavior. Stress the importance of addressing each other in polite ways. Once they are confronted, it is up to the bully to change their behavior. If they choose not to, you may have to invite them to leave the church," she said.

Praying for our enemies...

Yesterday, October 15, 2023, I met a Russian pastor who is a former KGB agent. I was impressed with Pastor Sasha's ministry and his conversion story. Pastor Sasha said of his story, 

Julia befriended an American girl whose father was a missionary in Moscow. Natasha became their Russian language tutor. As the head of his home and a KGB agent, Sasha felt obligated to investigate these foreigners who had made such an impact on his family. He was awestruck by the humanitarian aid distributed by their church, and he was irresistibly drawn to their joy for life, for each other, and for the Lord. Step by step, he began to realize their generosity and joy stemmed from their love for God. At first, he gave God a 50/50 chance: since no one could prove God’s existence, then no one could deny him either. Sasha stepped away from his aggressively atheistic lifestyle. 

While praying at a church retreat, he had a vision. He saw God standing on the top of a mountain. He felt he was a jar of clay. God was pouring down the pure gold of the Holy Spirit into the jar—Sasha. From that moment on, he needed no evidence for God’s existence, for he knew God in Jesus Christ. He returned home that day, and when Natasha saw him, she said, “What’s wrong with you? You are smiling!” Sasha had never smiled before. But that day, Jesus made him smile. He admitted that he had become a Christian. Natasha, in turn, confessed that she had become a Christian earlier, but she was afraid to talk about it with her husband, a KGB agent! In July 1993, Sasha was baptized and openly proclaimed his faith in Jesus Christ.

At the end of our service, I had the opportunity to ask Pastor Sasha "How can I pray for Vladimir Putin?" Pastor Sasha thought for a moment, and he said "Pray that he is filled with the Holy Spirit. You can know the Bible, however, if you don't have the Holy Spirit it's all for naught." 

Matthew 5:44 But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. 

So I ask my readers, please pray for Pastor Sasha and also pray for Vladimir Putin that he will come to truly know Christ and be filled with the Holy Spirit. 

IFCJ Shelter Hit By Rocket in Sderot

 From Yael Eckstein, International Fellowship of Jews and Christians

Fellowship bomb shelter struck by a rocket! 
The fellowship has placed over 3,500 bomb shelters across Israel.
This past week they have been saving lives, night and day.
And this Shabbat, one of our shelters in Sderot was hit directly.

Praise God, for Christians and Jews around the world who donated these life-saving shelters.

YOU, my friends, are serving as God’s messengers to be ‘the watchmen on the walls’.

Baz Ratner

Praying for Israel -- 2023 -- Day 2

 

I decided last night to say "Shema" every day for Israel during this war. If you don't know the Shema, that's okay. Shema (“hear”) is the Hebrew word that begins the most important prayer in Judaism. It is found in Deuteronomy 6:4, which begins with the command to “Hear.” The whole Shema prayer, which includes verses 4-9, is spoken daily in the Jewish tradition:

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Sh'ma Yisra'eil Adonai Eloheinu Adonai echad. 

But how can we pray for the Jewish people? Billy Graham once said, "To get Nations back on their feet, we must first get down on our knees." 

The first way that we can pray for Israel, is to declare the promises of God on Israel's behalf. There are passages to encourage us to pray for Israel's security and for His holy city, Jerusalem. Isaiah 52:1-2 says 

Awake, awake, put on your strength, O Zion; put on your beautiful garments, O Jerusalem, the holy city; for there shall no more come into you the uncircumcised and the unclean. 2. Shake yourself from the dust and arise; seated, O Jerusalem; loose the bonds from your neck, O captive daughter of Zion. 

Psalm 122:3-9 says 

Jerusalem—built as a city that is bound firmly together, to which the tribes go up, the tribes of the Lord, as was decreed for Israel, to give thanks to the name of the Lord. There thrones for judgment were set, the thrones of the house of David. Pray for the peace of Jerusalem “May they be secure who love you! Peace be within your walls and security within your towers!” For my brothers and companions' sake, I will say, “Peace be within you!” For the sake of the house of the Lord our God, I will seek your good.

Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has good plans for Israel, 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and hope.  

The next way that we can pray for Israel, is to pray like Jesus prayed. I know a lot of Christians seem to have a problem with Jesus' ethnic background, but all in all our Lord was a Jew, and there is power is praying the way Jesus prayed. E.M. Bounds says of prayer: 

Prayer should not be regarded as a duty which must be performed, but rather as a privilege to be enjoyed, a rare delight that is always revealing some new beauty." 

Lastly, we can do as Jewish tradition mandates, "Bless!" 

You may not know this, but every Jewish prayer begins with the words "Baruch ata Adonai" -- "Blessed are you, Lord." 

When welcoming someone into your home, you bless them with "Baruch Haba" -- Blessed are you who have arrived (commonly translated as welcome.) The first blessing in scripture is recorded over Adam and Eve who are instructed to multiply. 

I am reminded of the Rabbi in Fiddler on the Roof, "There is a blessing for everything!" We should ask the Lord to bless Israel, to bless the Jewish people and in doing so we are recognizing that God is the source of justice, mercy, and all wisdom.

I will end this blog today with the words of St. Teresa of Calcutta,

God shapes the world by prayer. The more praying there is in the world, the better the world will be, the mightier the forces against evil. 

Praying for Israel 2023

I was recently asked, "Rai, how can I pray for Israel during this time?" I am reminded of a young Moabite woman who had married an Israelite man, when he died, his mother tried to send this young woman back to her family. Yet Ruth begged Naomi, not to send her back to her family. Instead, "Ruth replied: Do not persuade me to leave you or go back and not follow you. For wherever you go, I will go, and wherever you live, I will live; your people will be my people, and your God will be my God." (Ruth 1:16). 

The Jewish people are our people in that we worship the same God. The first thing we need to pray for is the Peace of Jerusalem (Psalm 122: 6), that Israel's borders will be secure (Exodus 23:31a), and that Jerusalem will be protected from being divided (Joel 3:2). 

Next, we should be praying for the government, and leaders of Israel. We need to pray that the leaders will be blessed, and will lead well. That they will provide some sense of stability during this time and that they will be free from corruption. Let's pray also that God will give the leaders wisdom, and that they will follow His lead (James 1:5). 

Isaiah 40:1 says Comfort, Comfort my people says your God. We are called to comfort and to pray for the comfort of God's people, both the young and the old. On Saturday, many families saw brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, mothers and fathers, head off to war. Let's pray that all citizens of Israel, will understand that the Lord wants to give them a future of hope and not evil as Jeremiah 29:11 states. 

Let's pray for the enemies and friends of Israel. Let's pray that they will take Genesis 12:3 to hear, to bless Israel means blessings, and that to curse Israel will bring curses upon them. Let's pray that the enemies of Israel will understand the depth of God's wrath against those who don't follow Him (Isaiah 60:12). Let's also pray as Zechariah 12:1-5 and Psalms 91 says that the Lord will keep a watchful eye over his people and that He will bind the schemes and resources that the enemy tries to use against Israel. Let us be reminded that when praying for Israel's enemies we are also heaping fiery coals of shame on their heads (Proverbs 25:21-22). 

Finally, let's pray also for the Christians in Israel. Let's pray for their safety, and that they will be a simple light in the darkness in Israel. Let's pray for their protection, endurance and patience (Romans 5:3-5). 

Am Israel Chai! 

Temple Floorplans

 

The inner area of the Temple complex in Jerusalem was separated from the so-called Court of Gentiles by a wall. On the walls were tablets with warnings that only Jews were allowed to enter, with the following inscription: No outsider shall enter the protective enclosure around the sanctuary. And whoever is caught will only have himself to blame for the ensuing death. 

Herod expanded twofold the area of the site on which the Jerusalem temple stood. He had the Temple Mount lavishly modernized and magnificently built up. Eight gates now led into the temple complex (no 1-8). The Antonia Fortress (B) where the Roman guardsman were stationed was located in the North of the Temple Mount.

Most of the life of the temple happened in the "Court of the Gentiles" (V). The Inner Wall (W) with the warning signs separated this common part from the inner sanctuary that was only accessible for Jews. The so called Nikanor Gate (N) connected the Court of the Women (F) with the Court of the Israelites (M). The so-called Gate Beautiful (S) was the entrance to the court of the women; the Incense burning altar (A) with it's ramp (R) stood in the front of the temple itself (T); Only priests are permitted in this area--Court of the Priests (the Holy Place)

The Faith of a Queen

Like a lot of people I am still shocked by the news that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth has passed away. Oddly enough, I was starting to think she was immortal. After all, no matter what was thrown her way, she always seemed to bounce back and things just seemed to work out. However, today I am not going to focus on the negatives of the monarchy, there are plenty of people in the world who are doing that. In fact, I have seen so many negative memes that I have honestly just stopped fighting with people over the Queen. She was one of those people you either loved or hated, and most people loved her. 

One of things I want to comment on is the fact that the Queen always mentioned Jesus Christ at Christmas. She spoke so often of how his teachings shaped her own life. After her death, one of the things that really comforted me was sent to me by my friend Jon. it read: One of the Queen's Chaplains was talking about the end of the world and the return of Christ. The Queen stated "Oh, I should hope that Jesus would return in my life time." The chaplain asked "Why, Ma'am?" The Queen replied so that "I could lay my crown down at his feet." 

The Queen’s faith represented more than mere deference to religious tradition. Her yearly Christmas broadcasts regularly encapsulated statements of personal Christian belief, that Jesus Christ was her Saviour (see particularly her 2011 statement, below). For instance, in 2000 she stated:

“For me the teachings of Christ and my own personal accountability before God provide a framework in which I try to lead my life. I, like so many of you, have drawn great comfort in difficult times from Christ’s words and example.”

During her 2008 Christmas broadcast, the Queen made a clear declaration of faith:

“I hope that, like me, you will be comforted by the example of Jesus of Nazareth who, often in circumstances of great adversity, managed to live an outgoing, unselfish and sacrificial life. Countless millions of people around the world continue to celebrate His birthday at Christmas, inspired by His teaching. He makes it clear that genuine human happiness and satisfaction lie more in giving than receiving; more in serving than in being served. We can surely be grateful that, two thousand years after the birth of Jesus, so many of us are able to draw in inspiration from His life and message, and to find in Him a source of strength and courage.”

In her 2014 Christmas address she stated:

“For me, the life of Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace, whose birth we celebrate today, is an inspiration and an anchor in my life. A role-model of reconciliation and forgiveness, he stretched out his hands in love, acceptance and healing. Christ’s example has taught me to seek to respect and value all people of whatever faith or none.”

In her 2016 address, the Queen testified: 

“Billions of people now follow Christ’s teaching and find in Him the guiding light for their lives. I am one of them because Christ’s example helps me see the value in doing small things with great love…”

During her first televised Easter message in 2020, recorded in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, she stated:

“The discovery of the risen Christ on the first Easter Day gave His followers new hope and fresh purpose, and we can all take heart from this … As dark as death can be—particularly for those suffering with grief—light and life are greater.”

The Queen also publicly welcomed and hosted American evangelist Billy Graham on a dozen different occasions. Graham wrote of her in his autobiography Just as I am: 

“No one in Britain has been more cordial toward us than Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Almost every occasion I have been with her has been in a warm, informal setting, such as a luncheon or dinner, either alone or with a few family members or other close friends.”

In 2016 the Queen marked her 90th birthday. To celebrate, the Bible Society joined forces with HOPE and the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity (LICC) to publish a biography about the Queen’s Christian faith, titled: The Servant Queen and the King she serves. In it, the Queen’s own words described her faith in Christ, exploring the place of her Christian faith in her public role, family life, and in times of celebration and grief. 

The verse that keeps coming to my mind as I move through this loss, is that God is closest to the brokenhearted; and while I am just one of many grieving the loss of Queen Elizabeth II; my loss is not so great that it won't heal in a few weeks after the funeral. So I am beseeching my readers and followers to not only pray for the King, but also pray for his family as they move from having their beloved matriarch with them.