Bullies, Trolls and Mental Abuse

We call them trolls, keyboard warriors, or even haters. Through the rise of social media, the use of screen names, and other ways to hide, bullies run rampant throughout our lives. We know their words shouldn't hurt us, but they still do. 

I have been using a program called Paltalk for nearly twenty-five years; I was on Pal when they first started as a way to speak to my pen pal in Finland for free. I left Paltalk when I was in college; after I started my career, I returned. I hoped to rekindle some old friendships and make new friends. Yet, online bullies have learned that they can say whatever they want and no one will punch them in the face! 

There is an expectation that, as children mature into adults, bullying behavior will decrease. Society often views bullying as a problem of youth. There are many programs in place to educate young people about the effects of bullying. There are few such programs for adults. This creates a veil of silence for the adult victims of bullying. 

Bullies may also have an exaggerated sense of self, low self-esteem, or a lack of ability to feel remorse or guilt about inflicting harm on others. Bullies who are unable to feel empathy have probably always been bullies. They are the adult version of the playground bully. Attempting to gain self-esteem by hurting others is pathological and painful to the victims of such abuse. The adult bully is unable to break the psychological cycle that he or she learned as a child and carries on that destructive behavior in their home, work, or social environment.

Bullying behaviors online include public name-calling, and spreading malicious rumors. Online chat programs have become natural environments for interpersonal conflicts and bullying occurs because there is often competition and conflict between employees. Just like in the workplace, online bullying is typified by “differences of opinions, a competition for power and territoriality, jealousy, prejudice, envy, and problematic group dynamics.”

So why do some adults become cyberbullies? There may be many triggers for cyberbullying, such as relationship fights or breakups. Other triggers may be motivated by hate or bias because the victim is different in terms of race, religion, disability, sexual orientation, or body shape o
r size. Sometimes the motivation is simply entertainment. The bully is bored and posts hurtful things about someone else using the guise of making a joke. Often, cyberbullying is an outlet for adults who do not know how to deal with feelings of social frustration.

The prevalence of cyberbullying is increasing because people are more likely to say things online that they would not say face-to-face. Disinhibition, or a lack of restraint, including disregard for normal social conventions, is much easier when the bully does not have to see the victim. The technology acts as a buffer from the normal social cues. The bully may believe, because they cannot see the victim, that the negative actions are somehow less hurtful.

Right now there is no research on the effects of cyberbullying on adults, Raskauskas and Stolz (2007) observed that teenage cyber-victims reported depression, sadness, hopelessness, and anxiety. Kowalski and colleagues (2008) showed that cyber-victims had high levels of social anxiety and low self-esteem.

Knowing the type helps you select the most effective strategies. The first type of bully is characterized by an inferiority complex. These individuals say to themselves, "If I can put you down and point out your shortcomings, then the attention is off of my inadequacies, I build myself up, and you become subservient to me."

The second type of adult bully possesses no compassion or remorse for their harassing and negative behavior. Their bullying can be hurtful and aggressive. They say what they want in a demeaning manner with no regard for others' feelings. They often characterize themselves as outspoken and brutally honest. They have a short fuse and can become verbally aggressive.

The third type exhibits a personality embedded with arrogant and self-righteous behavior. They believe they are superior to others. Their version of the truth is the reality, and they are closed off to other thoughts or ideas. They will belittle and talk down to you in a self-righteous manner in an attempt to get you to say or do what they want.

The fourth type requires compassion and understanding to deal with effectively. When people are suffering, it is difficult for these individuals to care for anything other than their own pain. They will say and do things they would not normally do or say so as to relieve some of their pain. They can become angry, overly sensitive, and envious of your health. This type of bullying erupts in work and family settings when someone is dealing with a lot of stress, psychological challenges, or medical issues.

The results from a Scandinavian Journal of Work, Environment & Health study suggest that exposure to bullying is associated with an elevated risk of suicidal behavior among men and women.

According to Psychiatric Times, Victims of bullying consistently exhibit more depressive symptoms than non-victims; they have high levels of suicidal ideation and are more likely to attempt suicide than non-victims.

So does the Bible address bullying? Indeed. 

Deuteronomy 31:6 reminds us "Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Proverbs 6:16-19 There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.

Matthew 5:11 “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account.

Proverbs 22:10 Drive out a scoffer, and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.

Then there are the host of verses that tell us to love our enemies. I won't lie, I write this post from a place of experience, in fact, my bully is a retired school teacher who got a "hat" making them an admin in a room where they are free to harass, bully, and make people generally unhappy. To be honest, this person bullies so hard that I have stopped praying for their heart to change and instead for the Lord to quickly take them out. After all, King David prayed for the death of his enemies. 

Look no further than the Psalms.  Psalm 109 is very troubling to most because it is perhaps the strongest imprecatory psalm in the Psalter. David, the author of the psalm as indicated in the superscription, calls upon God to destroy his enemies in the most horrible ways. According to Perowne, there are no less than 30 anathemas pronounced upon David’s enemies in this one psalm. The problem we face in Psalm 109 is not restricted to this psalm, however. Other Psalms contain similar prayers for the punishment of evildoers: “Do Thou add iniquity to their iniquity, and may they not come into Thy righteousness. May they be blotted out of the book of life, and may they not be recorded with the righteous” (Ps. 69:27-28). 

When a bully shows up in a group of Christians, it is the job of the Christians to hold that person accountable. Rev. Laurie Haller says "Point out to the bully the negative influence of their behavior. Stress the importance of addressing each other in polite ways. Once they are confronted, it is up to the bully to change their behavior. If they choose not to, you may have to invite them to leave the church," she said.