Late last week, I realized something that I needed to change. For over 3 years, I have held on to a hurt that I shouldn’t have been holding on too. Don’t get me wrong, I was doing all the right things…praying for the person who hurt me; wishing them blessings, but if I ran into them or passed them on the road, I found myself having a major anxiety attack or worrying over what they were capable of.
As many people know, I attend a small, rural Methodist church. I also help with our prayer group. Most of the time it’s just myself, my pastor and his wife…so sharing is easy—especially when it’s with people that you trust. Honestly, I would be less likely to talk about my struggles, if many people were there or if I felt that people wouldn't understand.
One of the things that we prayed for this week is that I would be able to “let go” of the people and feelings of my past. Now as you know, most people that tell me that harken back to Elsa in Frozen, and I am like “Have you seen the movie?” This time it was different…I was ready to let go. According to Steve Maraboli in his book Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
I had found myself stuck…I wasn’t moving forward because I wasn’t ready to move forward. I was still hoping for a different outcome, even though that outcome wasn’t, isn’t possible. This week however, I have realized that I need to move forward. Even if I leave the other party behind—as I have always said—if anyone wants to be a part of my life, they will catch up. This is particularly true in this situation.
John Wesley once said “Thanksgiving is inseparable from true prayer; it is almost essentially connected with it. One who always prays is ever giving praise, whether in ease or pain, both for prosperity and for the greatest adversity. He blesses God for all things, looks on them as coming from Him, and receives them for His sake- not choosing nor refusing, liking or disliking, anything, but only as it is agreeable or disagreeable to His perfect will.”
Yesterday while I was working in my study, I found a prayer journal. I decided to look through it and noticed that the last entry was over 3 years old and the prayer was full of thanksgiving—and honestly, I was happier then too. So I filled in a page for yesterday, updating all that has happened, and as I wrote, tears streamed down my cheeks. I realized that my prayers have become more and more monotonous, namely because I wasn’t approaching God with a spirit of Thanksgiving.
However, do not think that only thanksgiving prayers are worthy of God’s ear. John Wesley also stated “with all prayer (Eph. 6:18)" All sorts of prayer- public, private, mental, vocal. Do not be diligent in one kind of prayer and negligent in others... let us use all.” This being said, we always need to approach God with a spirit of thanksgiving and humbleness.
Thus my prayer has become this week:
“Purge me from every sinful blot;
My idols all be cast aside:
Cleanse me from every evil thought,
From all the filth of self and pride.
The hatred of the carnal mind
Out of my flesh at once remove:
Give me a tender heart, resigned,
And pure, and full of faith and love.”
John Wesley
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