This weekend something happened, that while I am not directly affected by it, I am definitely affected by it. On Friday, my boss asked me "Where is exit 45?" I told him it was the exit just above the Lowe's exit. He said his wife was stuck in traffic because someone had just jumped to their death on I-77 and the interstate was closed.
My initial reaction was "Just goes to prove not everyone is happy during the holidays." Mental health is not spoken about a lot in our society, matter of fact, we tend to shove it under the rug. It's not like a broken bone where you can see and sign the cast. Matter of fact, it's almost always hidden--unless you have someone like me who is vocal about having a mental illness diagnosis.
Matter of fact, we tend to wait for happiness. We wait for the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect Mr. Right; but this myth is actually harmful to our mental health. It is harmful because our overly high expectations can instigate a major crisis when we realize that achieving those dreams has not made us intensely happy (or for as long as we thought they would.
Unfortunately, the holidays are replete with daily trials, strains, and aggravations. The cookies are burnt, the car won’t start, the luggage is lost, the alcoholic family member ruins brunch once again, and the children are fighting. We conveniently forget our penchant to become overwrought during car trips or our tendency to revert to adolescent behavior when criticized by a parent or upstaged by a sibling. Accordingly, when our holiday fantasy is confronted by everyday reality, more often than not, it fails to live up. Why aren’t we happier during the holidays? Because, despite being annually challenged, our expectations for holiday joy remain over-optimistic and over-confident year after year. (1)
However, even though the holidays are not happy for everyone, there is one thing that we have all year around; we have hope. It is a little less evident during the Advent season because we tend to get caught up in the hustle and bustle. The book of Jeremiah tells us that God has a plan to give us hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11). And that is what I want to address today---Hope.
Today is the first day in Advent, it's also the first Sunday of the season. I am missing out on a lot of things today because my ceiling started leaking terribly last night and I have an inch of water in a basin--it's not a good situation, but even in this, there is hope. And maybe this isn't such a big problem, but as a homeowner, it's a problem nonetheless. It's definitely a stressor here at the holidays. Yet, I still have hopes of a good holiday season.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
Our sufferings here are momentary, and for some it's hard to understand that--especially when the weight of depression hits them.
I can't say with any certainty where the soul of the person who died Friday went. I can't promise the family that he is in Heaven, I can't appease the folks who think all who commit suicide are in Hell. What I can tell you is that we need to grasp on to hope; which is found only in Jesus Christ. Proverbs 23:18 tells us Surely there is a future and your hope will not be cut off.
I want to end this post by offering some suggestions to those who may be suffering this season, and especially to those who may love them.
1. JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE LOOKS AND SEEMS HAPPY, DOESN’T MEAN THEY ARE.
So many people look so happy during the holidays, but that doesn’t mean they truly are happy, or that they’re hiding their emotions. Many people can become very good at hiding their emotions and their feelings, so just because someone looks happy doesn’t mean they truly are happy. The same thing applies with social media. Just because someone is posting happy, well-lit, gorgeous pictures of their holidays, doesn’t mean that’s how they really feel. Now, just because this is the case sometimes, doesn’t mean it’s the case all of the time. People post happy pictures when they’re happy.
2. JUST BECAUSE OTHERS ARE HAPPY DOESN’T MEAN IT’S NOT OKAY THAT YOU’RE NOT.
I know a lot of people look at others that are happy and feel bad that they are not, I do that. But, just because other people are happy, doesn’t mean you have to be. Just because it’s a struggle doesn’t mean you have to pretend to be happy or convince others that you are. It’s okay to feel bad or sad during the holidays. Don’t look at everyone’s happy social media pictures and posts and think you have to be happy too, or feel even worse because you aren’t happy.
3. IT’S OKAY TO REACH OUT TO YOUR FRIENDS OR FAMILY DURING THE HOLIDAYS
I know that you don’t want to bother your friends or family during the holidays. You don’t want to drag them down and make feel bad during a happy time of year, but your true friends and family want to help you through your difficult time. I know it’s looked down upon to suffer from a mental illness and we are meant to feel like we have to keep it inside, but it isn’t good to do that. Bottling emotions inside makes you feel worse, it eats away inside your mind. Don’t feel like you can’t reach out to your family and friends.
4. CHECK IN ON YOUR FRIENDS, EVEN THE HAPPY ONES
Make sure you check in on your friends, not just during the holidays, but any time of year. I know we always say “oh you can always reach out if you need to talk” but many people don’t want to admit when they’re struggling. Many don’t want to, or can’t bring themselves, to admit that things are not going well. This is why it’s also important to check in on your happy-looking friends as well. Like I mentioned, many people are good at hiding their emotions.
My Hope of Advent Prayer is: Father God, every word in scripture points to the gift of hope that we have because of Christ Jesus. The Christmas story wasn’t the beginning of that message of hope because the old testament is full of glimpses of your plan to redeem your people and restore them into a relationship with you, but we are able to truly begin to see and understand just how great your love for us is when we read the story of Jesus’ birth in scripture.
You showed us a glimmer of that hope as you chose to send your son into this earth through a family tree that was a little bent and scarred. We glanced it again as you chose a tribe that was small and a city that was lowly. It can be seen when we recognize that you don’t send your Son to be birthed in a fancy palace among the wealthy and the elite, but our King of Kings and Lord of Lords was born among common shepherds and livestock in a barn.
The family wasn’t ideal. The surroundings weren’t grand. The situation wasn’t without its’ difficulties, however, you came in the midst of all of that. Emmanuel. God with us. God in the messy. God in the dirty. God in the difficult and the troubled.
Your plan to redeem and restore mankind was to dwell among us, fully God and fully man. You chose to come to earth enrobed in the fragile soft skin of a newborn baby and set aside all of the glory of heaven for one purpose. You came to be with us. You came to love us. You came die for us, so that we might live.
Help us to see that you are with us. Nothing is too difficult, too messy, or too dirty for you. Jesus came to give us the gift of eternal life through the salvation that only you, our Heavenly Father, can give when we believe on your Son, repent of our sins, and confess Jesus as our Lord and Savior.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope. Romans 15:13
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