God has Numbered Our Days

I had a very interesting conversation today, Monday, January 4, 2021 with a self-appointed Bishop. On Facebook he had posted that if Pastor's would carry guns they could protect their flock. He was basing this on the fact that there was a Pastor killed on Sunday, January 3rd. Now according to this self-appointed bishop, if the pastor had been carrying a gun, he wouldn't have been killed. My exception to this is that he was carrying a gun and it was taken away from him. So the bishop stated that "pastor" should have known martial arts and that would have stopped the gunman, then bragged about how many years he's been a black belt. In other words, this pastor's death was the pastor's fault. 

However, I don't believe it was the fault of the pastor. In fact, I tend to believe that God has the number of each person in the world. This pastor at no time was going to be living past yesterday; the time of his life had come. Even if he had known martial arts, he would still died. When God has your number, nothing will save you from death. You may not die in such a violent way, but you may pass on by other means. 

So to sit there and say that pastor's don't listen to you, is quite frankly asinine. No where does God tell you that you have authority to say what would save a person's life. If the pastor had been sitting at home eating a chicken leg and died because he got chocked on a bone, would you be sitting there saying "I have been telling ministers for years, not to eat chicken!" 

You see no matter what way we go, God has our days numbered. In fact Job 14:5-6 says Since man’s days are determined and the number of his months depends on You, and since You have set limits he cannot pass, look away from him and let him rest so that he can enjoy his day like a hired hand.(HCSB) James 4:14 states Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes (ESV).

So while we don't have the assurance of tomorrow, what we can have the assurance of is our salvation and faith in Christ. The only means of justification consistent with grace is the faith that brings nothing to the table, not even faith-motivated good deeds. Justifying faith says: “Lord, all I deserve is your judgment. Even with your help, I cannot do enough good to meet your perfect standard. All that avails for me is the righteousness of Christ. Please, clothe me with it” (see Rom. 4:1–16a). Such faith is the gift of God to His people: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Eph. 2:8–9)

John Newton, the lyricist of that beautiful hymn "Amazing Grace" said of assurance, In mercy [God] has frequently stirred up my nest, shaken me in it, and forced me to fly to him, when I should otherwise have dropped into sleep and [false] security. (221)

As I posted on Facebook today, "No amount of martial arts, medication, medical attention will save you, when your time has come. For God has numbered our days, and when that time is up, then God will call us home, as long as we have our faith and salvation through Jesus Christ.

The Battle is Here

There is a great war being waged in the world today. It is not a conflict between nations, tribes, or government leaders. It is not a rebellion or coup. It is an important invisible battle taking place in the spirit world. The Bible states that God's people are destroyed because of lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6). The early Church viewed their spiritual experience in terms of warfare. Military terminology is used throughout the New Testament. Protection was seen in the armor of God. The Word of God was compared to a sword. Satan's attacks were called fiery darts. Faith was the "good fight" and believers were told to "war a good warfare." The early Church knew they were engaged in an intense spiritual struggle.

This week I have been reading a YouVersion devotion called Warrior by Tony Evans. This devotion came earlier in my 2020, but it didn't feel like the right to complete it so I sat it aside. On Sunday afternoon, I was looking for a devotional that just spoke to me, that would help me through the next few weeks of my life. 

In my last post, I wrote about being attacked and taking refuge in Christ Jesus. Growing up in the Southern Baptist Convention (SBC) I wasn't taught very much about the spiritual realm. In fact, it was mostly what I read (I read everything I could growing up). Even now, in the United Methodist Church (UMC) we don't speak much about the fact that there is a spiritual realm. This is probably because in 1985 Stanley Hauerwas and Bishop William Willimon accused "mainline" Protestants churches and theologies of conducting business as if God does not exist. This has flowed over to conducting business as if the supernatural and the spiritual realms don't exist. In his article Embarrassed by the Supernatural Roger E. Olsen states that our disbelief has less to do with intellect than it does with not wanting to look like a fanatic or a our religion being respectable.

However, all of this being said, I do believe in the spiritual realm and I believe what our world is going through is because the spiritual realm is manifesting itself in our physical realm. An enemy that we can see is easier to fight than one that we can only feel and can't see. 

So much of what is going on in our country isn’t so much racial oppression and being fed up; it’s the spiritual realm manifesting itself in what we can see...however, we don’t have enough strong, godly “soldiers” willing to go to war. They are willing to pray, of course, but have yet to step foot onto the battlefield. Christians, our time is now! Through the civil unrest God is calling us to something greater, flood doors are opening and people are needing to see Christians, not as uppity, perfect people, but as real, authentic, willing to be in relationship with the least of these.

I have been mocked, called a traitor, had people threaten me, call me a leftist, liar, hypocritical, bi***, for walking over to the monument protestors in Statesville and talking to them. All the protestors at the monument know where I stand on the issue at hand and they treat me with respect; as I treat them with the same respect. If I am driving in town, I stop, say hello, and ask if they need anything. Then I converse with them; and I always end with, “I am praying for you all.” The battle isn’t with the protestors, and it’s certainly not over a monument. It’s very literally for the souls of men, women and children.

William Abraham stated in an article on Juicy Ecumenism "Evil is not just an absence of good,” but also “a real turn to evil,” in which we can know very well that something is wrong and still “consciously choose it, and then celebrate it.” 

John 10:10a tells us that the "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy." (ESV) Later in his letter to the Ephesians, Paul reminds us to Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.(Eph. 6:11-12 ESV)

The church needs to teach more about Spiritual Warfare! Christians are soldiers, but we are highly untrained, much like the Continental Army when the revolution was declared; but like those soldiers we don't have to stay untrained. The best way to train for this battle is to be aware, be aware that everything that happens is first to God's plan, but not everything is from God; next stay engaged with your Bible, delve into the Scripture and stay engaged in prayer; staying connected to God leaves no room for the enemy to attack you. Once you are built up, then you are able to go out and fight a good fight for the kingdom of God. 

The battle is here, how ready are you to suit up in your armor? 

Forgiveness...

**Please note this article may contain triggers.**

I have recently been reading a book called To the Moon and Back by Karen Kingsbury. It's a work of fiction, where the background of the two main characters is the Oklahoma City Bombing in 1995. An event that I remember well as I was just a freshman in high school. I have never been to the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building, nor have I been to the memorial after the bombing. I did once hold a piece of rubble from the site at a highland games when we took time to remember all the lives lost in Oklahoma City.

This post, however, isn't about the bombing or visiting the memorial; it's about something that happened to me on June 10-11, 2001. These dates probably don't mean a lot to most people. It was a regular spring day, the news carried footage of the bombing, because on June 11, 2001, Timothy McVeigh, the home-grown terrorist was going to die. He was finally going to get what he deserved. Everyone around me was happy, because why should he live when 168 people, children included, died. 

I remember at one point Mr. McVeigh's picture flashed up on the screen; the image of him walking

McVeigh getting ready to walk out of the Noble County Courthouse

out the Noble County Courthouse. I remember my neighbor Kelly walked to the door of my apartment and saying "Good, one less criminal we have to keep up." But something in the look on McVeigh's face showed that he was remorseful. Maybe not to the point we should think that he would have been, but something within me said "This is someone's son, someone's brother, possibly their uncle and maybe even someone's father (even though we do not know if he had children). 

After Kelly left, I called my parents, and I remember asking my mom "Is it okay if I cry when they execute Timothy McVeigh? Is it okay that I feel bad for him?" My mom must have been confused, but she never let it show, she said "Well, yes, it is okay to feel bad for him, and it's okay to cry." I guess I realized what a silly girl I sounded like, so I explained to my mom, "Ya know mom, I get that he's a terrorist, I get that he hurt a lot of people, but what if he truly is sorry? What if he asked God's forgiveness? And no one mourns his death because we are so caught up in the evil that he did before he knew Jesus?" 

Most people would say that there is no forgiveness for what Timothy McVeigh did. However, according to 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 

9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. 

You see there isn't one sin that you can name that Jesus Christ can not forgive.  So why do we find it hard to believe that Timothy McVeigh would be forgiven. Matter of fact, I learned tonight, that McVeigh sought forgiveness. "Tim asked to have the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick, or Dying, if facing imminent death, at around 4 or 5 in the morning," Ashmore said. The chief biblical text concerning the rite is James 5:14–15: "Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer of faith will save the sick man, and the Lord will raise him up; and if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven" (RSV). Father Ashmore, went on to state he[McVeigh] knew what he was asking to do--to stand before God, seek his pardon and forgiveness and to fill him with God's grace and lead him to life eternal and feel God's love."

1 John 1:9-10

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 

1 John 2:2 

2 He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world.

You see as we enter the Holy Week before Easter Sunday, it is time for us to reflect on our own lives, and how we could have been such as McVeigh, but by God's grace we have not fallen into that place. It is also a time for us to reflect on un-forgiveness in our own lives and look for the times that we could have or should have and possibly can still forgive others. 


Please note that this article is not saying what Timothy McVeigh did was okay; it definitely was not okay. However, forgiveness is a huge topic and this was just a short introduction to how I looked at the death of Timothy McVeigh. Yes, what he did was evil, but I don't think that made him an evil person, especially in light of him calling for a priest--even if it was a moment of desperation. 

Open Response to Richard Lowell Bryant--Yes, Liberty students should be camp counselors...

My pastor sent me a link to an article written by a UMC minister about camp counselors coming from Liberty to teach at a UMC Summer Camp and the pastor, of course, is angry because of Jerry Falwell's stance on Homosexuality and other things. This same pastor (not mine) states that in another post he's a traditionalist and should keep the language of the Book of Discipline as it is where it pertains to marriage and the ordination of homosexuals. The more I thought about that article the angrier I got. I'll be honest when I read it this morning, I told my pastor, I don't know if I should pray for him, or write him a letter. (I really just wanted to go through the screen and give him a piece of my mind).

So in true Liberty University "Trained Champion for Christ" fashion, I wrote him a comment and spoke about Liberty. I mean after all, as a graduate of Liberty and as a candidate for ministry, I think I can speak to the mindset of some graduates of Liberty. So I formed the following response. Since comments on the original post are moderated, we'll have to see later if it shows up, but in the mean time for your pleasure, my response!

Sir,

There are far worse things than hiring Camp Counselors from Liberty University. Maybe you missed the article put out by one of the many gay students from LU who found love and acceptance at Liberty University. Matter of fact, his professors begged him not to quit school, but he chose to quit attending LU and then came back to the school and graduated from Liberty.

What you may not know is that LU has one of the largest LGBTQA+ communities of any college, not because they want to shake up the school, but because they are accepted as they are, where they are in their walk with Christ.  Even I attended LU as a practicing member of a Jewish Synagogue and found acceptance for my beliefs. Yes, Jerry Falwell, Jr. is outspoken on BIBLICAL standards, which supercede the BOOK OF DISCIPLINE (believe it or not). Deal with it. Embrace students from Liberty, actually get to know them, find out what their exact beliefs are. Oh, and maybe read these two articles. https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/being-gay-at-jerry-falwells-university/274578/ and http://wset.com/archive/coming-out-at-liberty-university-the-story-of-one-gay-lu-grad 

Then maybe, just maybe you can judge Liberty University, the staff and those counselors you refuse to get to know or give a chance to. I find it funny that just in May of 2017 you said "You were a traditionalist." in a post here, and today, you are a progressive. .Do forgive me, Reverend, but can you really have it both ways? Can you really throw away our traditional teachings and embrace hatred? I wonder, often what John Wesley would think if he saw the current standing of our church and I wonder, sir, if he would not give those students/counselors from LU a chance to continue to grow.

For the rest of you who, like this gentleman, who have no understanding of what LU actually teaches, I will tell you it is FAR from Jerry Falwell, Jr.'s current standing. As a matter of fact, I came out of LU (twice) with more parched with thirst for the God I now serve, believe it or not with more understanding of amy homosexual friends, and more acceptance towards their choices. I know you may all think that this crazy that they use counselors from LU, but honestly, you won't find what you think you will--closed-minded people.

The centrist movement in the UMC wants to cry out for tolerance, yet you won't even allow for students from Liberty to come and grow in their faith. Everyone wants to be a liberal or centrist until their feet are stepped on.

The Journey

As many of you know, since last August I have been on a journey that I never expected to happen. I never expected that I would remotely become an inquiring candidate to pastoral ministry; I never thought that my dream of actually using what I understood about the Bible would become anything more than a lifestyle. 

Yet this journey has been a roller coaster filled with emotions, anxiety and waiting. While I completely understand why my denomination has set forth the requirements for their future pastors to complete; sometimes I do feel like a dog jumping through flaming hoops. This isn't mean to discourage anyone--I will be honest, I have enjoyed every minute of what I have had to go through to become a pastor. This process is as thorough as possible to make sure we aren't licensing or ordaining people who are not truly called to be ministers--this process definitely  makes sure that your heart is ready for ministry as well as making sure that you are in the right place to be an effective minister for the kingdom of God. 

Some of the emotional toll this process takes on you does seem "expensive" when it comes to faith. Over the past 6 months, I have felt every emotion possible; I have been scared to death, I have sat at home and cried; I have felt complete peace and joy; I've been pushed to my limit and I have taken on rolls that I never thought I would. I've learned to say "no" to certain things and "yes" to the best things that I can imagine. 

I've had moments that were completely discouraging; and earlier this week was one of them; I needed two more recommendation letters to arrive at Duke Divinity School and I was at a loss at what to do when a friend stepped up and her father wrote a letter for me; then I needed one more and I had a feeling it wasn't going to get completed and it was updated to "In Process." And boy do I have to tell you...that was a great feeling. Knowing that hopefully tomorrow, January 15, I will finally have all my paperwork in at DDS. 

Then this morning I woke up and saw an email stating that the District Committee Board of Ordination wants me to do one more psychological evaluation and this is scary. Why? Because, in my past, I was labeled with a false diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder and the evaluation that I am being told to take will actually explore the fact that I probably do have a mental/personality disorder. And yes, I did have a diagnosis, but I was also extremely immature and no longer exhibit the criteria for the personality disorder. 

Then we have the current climate the UMC is finding itself in. Our denomination is starting to splinter over the fact that we are having to spell out everything minut detail in the Book of Discipline. The most current manifestation of this is the fact that we, as Methodists, believe that marriage is between a man and a woman; and we don't believe in ordaining homosexuals; and while this is just the tip of the iceberg it is truly the tip and not the entire story. 

Yet despite all of these things that cause me to feel like the dog in the picture above, I can say that it's totally worth it. I am somewhere that most people who knew me in the past can't believe I am at. I guess some people thought that I'd be in jail or given up on Christ by this point--but you see no matter how discouraging or or hard this process can be; no matter how nerve-wracking or even heart breaking at times; it is well pleasing to God. In this process I have been at peace, not because I have the support of my church, which I do and I am grateful for that--but because this process is in place and it's a journey. I have delved deeper into my relationship with God, and with my fellow humans. I have truly had to live out that which I have preached for so long. 

Yes, the Candidacy process probably doesn't make sense to my family and my parents have had a ton of questions--there should be a website or support group for parents whose adult children discern a calling to ministry--and maybe there is, but if not, as good Methodists, maybe we can form a committee (if you are Methodist you will get this), and while it doesn't make sense, I am so grateful for each step of the journey! 

Wow! Never would have known

So this blog started out as a personal page about how I found out about my Jewish roots of faith, and even the Jewish roots of my family heritage. Since launching this page, I have reached 9 countries...there has been over 141 views on the blogs I write. This is very humbling, since this was never intended to be anything more than my personal reflections of my faith.
What makes this interesting to me is that I can't imagine why anyone would want to know what I am thinking, doing or believing. To be honest, I am just a southern girl from North Carolina, with a funny accent, and no dress style at all. I am a former photojournalist, I have a dog named Biscuit and work in the school system here. I play the fiddle, have a best friend in Finland and love the Lion King, lighthouses and Jesus (but not in that order). I pray wearing a tallit, I keep as kosher as possible and listen to rock, oldies,  classical music and Broadway show tunes!
Nothing on this page, should be of any interest to anyone...but for some reason, it is and I LOVE it! I love how I can write and someone out there will +1 my writings, I can rant about something and someone will +1 the rant...
Amazingly, I am touch lives that I will never meet or have met and just don't know they are reading my work. Sometimes I may even have nothing in particular to say...much like this post here...except thank you for reading my blog and I hope that you will continue to come back every chance you get!