Praying for those who hurt you...

John 16:33 is one of my favorite Bible verses. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Tonight, I attended a family/children’s concert with my pastor and his wife! As many know, I found out when I was 28 that I wouldn’t be able to have children, so having friends with kids that I can hang out with is amazing! So tonight we went to a children’s Bible concert and as I left the “Slugs and bugs” concert; I was reminded that we all struggle. Sometimes those struggles are of our own doing, other times they are circumstantial and yet other times we are hurt by our brothers and sisters in Christ. As someone who has seen her fair share of troubles—and most recently having a sister in Christ try to defame me before the world—I forget that every week our church buildings house a melting pot of broken, abused, suffering, prideful people—people just like me! We are all broken and in need of the love and forgiveness of Christ. 

After the concert, as we (my friends and I) walked to the cars, I saw that I had a missed call, so I got in my car and was checking the phone number (telemarketer) that had called me prior to the concert that I didn’t realize I had missed. So while I waited for some cars to pull out from behind me, I sat in the car with my engine running, and attempted to call the number back. Since I wasn’t really paying attention to the people around me, I didn’t notice a sister in Christ who severely hurt me walk out to her car—I glanced in my mirror and noticed that there was no one behind me and I put my car in reverse. As I was backing out, I noticed a flash, so I looked forward and my sister in faith and her two friends were photographing my car. Feeling completely isolated in that moment—a moment when two others who don’t even know me bought whatever lie this “sister” told—I pulled off. All the way home, I cried. What had I done to deserve to be lied about and photographed without my consent, possibly to be taken back to civil court? I very nearly wanted to stop and ask her friends: “Is this person’s hate, drama, and negativity keeping you from being the person God wants you to be?” But I didn’t; I came home and immediately documented the entire evening. Then I told my pastor whom I had been at the concert what happened…then with all sincerity, I asked the following question “I shared a pretty deep friendship with this person and the behavior she’s exhibiting isn’t the person I know her to be, matter of fact, I am pretty sure it’s demonic. Am I wrong to continue praying for her?”

My Pastor’s advice was “No; but you definitely want to keep your distance.”

So I began to look at “How to heal and bless someone who has hurt you?”

I found this article by Candace Crabtree; and it makes sense. When someone hurts you, you need to do these three things:

1. Take your eyes off of the hurt and the person, put your gaze on Christ. 

We can’t keep looking at the hurt and the situation and replaying it over and over in our minds. We must fix our eyes on Jesus. We must dive into His Word. Turn on praise music. Do not dwell on the problem or the feelings you have about the situation. As hard as it is, choose to think on things lovely, noble, true and right. 

2. Pray for the person who has hurt you. 

There is no better way to bless someone than to intercede for them. Pray for God to bless them, pray for God to grow their love for Him, pray for God to do good things in their lives. Pray, pray, and pray some more. When words don’t come, ask the Holy Spirit to intercede for you. When you are hurt, mad, and broken, take your brokenness to the cross. Ask Jesus to fill you with His supernatural love and power. 

3. Extend grace. 

Remember the grace you’ve been shown. Ponder your own life and how you’ve been shown grace upon grace. Now, go and do likewise. What does this look like? Letting the other person off the hook. Showing kindness to the person.  Not ignoring the person. Not returning evil for evil. Bestow kindness and grace. 

The Jew’s have a teaching in the Talmud “If you have done your fellow a little wrong, let it be in your eyes great; if you have done him much good, let it be in your eyes little; if he has done you a little good let it be in your eyes great; if he has done you a great wrong, let it be in your eyes little.

When we don’t forgive, the bitterness and the grudge take ahold of us. We carry the bitterness into every aspect of our lives. We grow weary and begin to die spiritually. I know when we begin to look at it in that way, we can begin to choose forgiveness. Surely not many of us would choose spiritual death and a turning away from Christ. 

Turn to Christ, beloved. Turn to Christ and be forgiven so that you can now walk in a life of forgiveness and love for others.

Jesus gives several specific examples in Luke 6:27-36. In verse 28, for example, he says: "Bless those who curse you." To bless, in this instance, means to speak well of someone or to speak kindly to that person. Perhaps there is someone in your place of work who is spreading false rumors about you in order to advance above you. How will you respond? According to Jesus, not by retaliating. Rather, you are to love this "enemy" by speaking well of him, even when his back is turned. Or, when you see her, you should address her politely and graciously.

Jesus adds, "Pray for those who hurt you." There is nothing wrong with asking the Lord to get them to stay their hand. When I think about asking God to stay someone’s hand that is coming against me, I am reminded of King David, the psalmist most associated with imprecatory verses such as Psalm 55:15, 69:28, and 109:8, often used phrases like, “may their path be dark and slippery, with the angel of the LORD pursuing them” (Psalm 35:6) and Psalms 7, 35, 55, 58, 59, 69, 109, and 139 were written by David to ask God to bring judgment upon his enemies.

But praying for those who hurt you doesn’t involve asking God to hurt our enemies, or for bad things to happen to them, instead it involves asking that good happens for them, seeking the Lord's presence in their lives and transformation of their hearts. Using imprecatory prayers from the Psalms today should only be done against our spiritual enemies (Ephesians 6:12). Instead, we are to pray for their salvation first and foremost, and then for God’s will to be done. There's no greater blessing than a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, and that’s what Jesus means by praying for and blessing those who curse us.

So I am going to say this yet again: I may never know your friendship this side of eternity again; I may be brokenhearted that I lost the closest thing to a sister I will ever know. I know I made mistakes in our friendship; I don’t hate you. I forgive you. I am going to keep praying for you, knowing that God’s grace goes before you and will meet you when you are ready.

“Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16