When God says No

Today, I was recognized as a former employee of Cloverleaf Elementary School, and also as a former member of The Cove. When asked why I wasn’t at The Cove any longer, I explained my situation. But I followed it up with, “I didn’t like the ‘no, you can’t go back to The Cove.’ then I realized that while God has closed that door, He had opened a door that no one could close and I was living a better reality than I was living previously.” According to MaryLynn Johnson at Desiring God “When God takes something away, he creates space in our lives for more of him.”

 I have learned something over the past 3 years; I have learned that sometimes God does answer “no” to our prayers. While, maybe, the no isn’t a “no” in the sense that it’s no not ever; it’s definitely a “No, not now…” or “No, just wait, I have something greater for you.” But that doesn’t mean the “no” doesn’t sting. 

The Jewish people have a prayer called Mi Shebeirach—it’s a prayer for healing; and while many think that it’s solely for physical healing, I believe that it can be prayed for those who need any kind of healing—mental, physical, spiritual. The prayer says: “May the one who blessed our ancestors, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah, bless and heal those who are ill [names]. May the Blessed Holy One be filled with compassion for their health to be restored and their strength to be revived. May God swiftly send them a complete renewal of body and spirit, and let us say, Amen.”

“I forgive all those who may have hurt or aggravated me either physically, monetarily, or emotionally, whether unknowingly or willfully, whether accidentally or intentionally, whether in speech or in action, whether in this incarnation or another, and may no person be punished on account of me…”

These are two of the prayers that I pray for those who are on my prayer list; but I also kept asking God to give us the restoration of friendship, and God keeps saying “No.” 

One of my favorite Bible stories is the story of Hannah. Hannah, a woman we read about in the Old Testament, knew that discouragement, too. She longed to have a baby. Yet we find twice in the first few lines of her story that the reason for Hannah's infertility was "because the Lord had closed her womb" (1 Samuel 1:5-6). Now, I would feel so much better if that sentence about Hannah read "because she was unable to bear children." But that verse specifically tells us that the Lord was the One withholding from Hannah the one thing she wanted most in life.

I’d like to think God is behind only the blessings we receive in life and therefore have a hard time wrapping our minds around the possibility that God would allow - or even arrange - certain difficulties to come our way. Yet that is one of the primary ways he awakens our need for him, grows our dependence on him, shapes our character, and draws us closer to himself.

In Hannah's case she became so desperate to have a son that she poured out her heart to God in prayer, promising to give her son back to God if he were to finally give her one. It was then, after Hannah came to that place of complete surrender, that we read God's gracious, yet timely response: "And the Lord remembered her. So in the course of time Hannah conceived and gave birth to a son..." (1 Samuel 1:19-20). 

God's "gifts" sometimes take the form of difficulties, losses, frustrations and outright pain. We don't originally see them as gifts, but more like disappointments, aggravations, or even rejection. But they are gifts, nonetheless, that are given to us to grow us to a new level in our spiritual life or to prepare us for something better that God has in store for us, or perhaps to even help us see something extraordinary about God that we couldn't see before.

Tonight I have had to give myself permission to grieve. I was afraid that God couldn’t handle my grief, but it turns out that I am pretty sure He can. It’s not wrong to experience disappointment when life does not unfold the way we hope. If we do not give ourselves permission to grieve, we inadvertently believe that God is more concerned with us immediately feeling better, rather than working through the hurt to bring real transformation to our heart. We lose sight of the invitation he has given us to place our struggles at his feet. 

The purpose of lament is not merely to vent our distress (which leaves us in despair), but to bring our attention back to God’s promises and the hope we have in Christ. He promises that he hears us when we call (Matthew 7:7). He promises to be near to us (Psalm 34:18). He promises to be faithful (Deuteronomy 31:6). He promises that this hurt will end (Revelation 21:4). He promises that when we seek him, he will transform our hearts to desire more of him (Psalm 37:4). He will not leave us in the misery of our disappointment, because he has not finished the work he started in us (Philippians 1:6). He will assure us of his love as we invite him into the struggle we feel.

C.S. Lewis once wrote, “We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” 

Charles R. Swindoll tells a story of David, to help drive home how we are to react when God says “no.” 

After four decades of service to Israel, King David, old and perhaps stooped by the years, looked for the last time into the faces of his trusted followers. Many of them represented distinct memories in the old man's mind. Those who would carry on his legacy surrounded him, waiting to receive his last words of wisdom and instruction. What would the seventy-year-old king say?

He began with the passion of his heart, pulling back the curtain to reveal his deepest desire—the dreams and plans for building a temple to the Lord (1 Chronicles 28:2). It was a dream that went unfulfilled in his lifetime. "God said to me," David told his people, "'You shall not build a house for My name because you are a man of war and have shed blood'" (28:3). Dreams die hard. But in his parting words, David chose to focus on what God had allowed him to do—to reign as king over Israel, to establish his son Solomon over the kingdom, and to pass the dream on to him (28:4-8). Then, in a beautiful prayer, an extemporaneous expression of worship to the Lord God, David praised the greatness of God, thanking Him for His many blessings, and then interceded for the people of Israel and for their new king, Solomon. Take some extra time to read David's prayer slowly and thoughtfully. It's found in 1 Chronicles 29:10-19.

Rather than wallowing in self-pity or bitterness regarding his unfulfilled dream, David praised God with a grateful heart. Praise leaves humanity out of the picture and focuses fully on the exaltation of the living God. The magnifying glass of praise always looks up.