Get Real

Lately God has put a burden on my heart for someone who came into my life a few years ago. In the past two years, she's been in and out of a relationship with a man that at one point told her "I don't believe in God the way you do." And her story is that she wants a man who will be the spiritual head of the household. She wants a mutually fulfilling, healthy relationship. Most recently, the man made some comments that were less than scriptural; less than a month of being apart she's right back with him waiting for the next time this man blows his stack.

Now I am not writing this to put this person down, but there is something there that God keeps putting this person on my heart. Having never been married or in any truly serious relationship, I haven't any idea why you would rationalize, minimize or even deny to yourself that what was said or done previously wasn't so bad. 

Psychologically speaking there is a very simple reason why these actions are dangerous in your relationships and affect your authenticity and how honest you are about who and what you're involved in: 

If you deny the existence of something it means you deny your feelings and perceptions, as well as the true impact of it and what it means to you and your relationship. 

If you minimize something, by playing down the significance of it which could be about the danger it could pose, what it means to the possibility of a mutually fulfilling, healthy relationship, or even what it means about your own actions, you're basically playing down your true feelings and perception of it as well as the impact. 

If you rationalize something and your doing it without healthy beliefs and relationship habits as a basis of your rationale, you'll end up rationalizing your true feelings and perception plus if your excusing, and justifying, your denying. Instead of taking the simple but what may be more painful meaning of that something you rationalize it to make it more palatable. 

By engaging in aforementioned activities you are setting yourself up for failure. You are setting yourself up in such a way that God can't bring the blessings he wants you to get.  At this point I would tell my neighbor, it's time that you get real. GET REAL even if it means being with out a man for a while, GET REAL even if it means that you learn something painful about yourself or them. GET REAL because the IMPACT of that LESSON is far reaching, positive consequences for you and ultimately if being HAPPY and having a mutually fulfilling healthy relationship is what you have your eye on, trust me, this bit of feed back is worth it. 

This man is going to keep coming back as long as he thinks the door is open; and frankly, the door needs to be closed, you aren't going to change him, he doesn't want to change. Just because he is sitting in the pew beside you doesn't make him a Christian and what you are doing is hoping he will change. 

Sometimes you have to take a step back, you have to sit alone, and you have to listen to what God is telling you. Sometimes, it has to be just God, Jesus and you; and that is perfectly fine! It's in those moments that God often speaks to you if you want to hear Him. I am sure God has someone out there for this person; I just have a really hard time that its the agnostic sitting in the pew beside her.