When Church Hurts

         Over the past few weeks, I have done a tremendous amount of thinking. Most of it has been done in prayer and other times, it’s just a heart cry out to God about my life. However, the topic that has weighed most heavily on my mind has been “When church hurts.” I know, that many of my readers will say that “Oh, the church doesn’t hurt people, people hurt people.” True enough. Unfortunately, I have found many sources from Christians who have been hurt by the church and it’s turned their world upside down and God has intervened to turn it right side up.

         According to Focus on the Family, 22 million Americans say they are Christians and have made a faith commitment to Christ. These same people have also said they struggle with faith or relational issues and therefore quit going to church. Sadly, tens of thousands will join their ranks this year.[1]

            

         The church, who is supposed to be the modern body of Christ, has and will continue to lose members and potential members as long as we continue to allow our focus to be ourselves and not the person across the aisle from us. As the body of Christ we are called to love, to love as Christ loved. Alas, this is hard, especially when you’ve been betrayed by someone you trusted, like a Pastor, Priest, Bishop, Deacon, or anyone else working within the church.

            

          In an open letter to “The Cove Church” in Mooresville, NC the author speaks about finding a church that they loved. They had found a serving spot and were extremely happy. Then the entire situation changed—the two people who introduced the author to the church turned against them. The author went to church, apologized to the friend and nothing…the church had hurt the author. As a matter of fact, the church had asked the author to leave after she had followed all suggestions and rules, and brought up the churches bylaws.

I think, my greatest disappointment isn’t the unwillingness of the others involved to do peacekeeping (though that does bother me); it’s not that I was asked to step down from Cove Kids, go to a different campus, and no one in church leadership remotely asked the other couple to stop serving or go to another campus. The most hurtful thing for me, is that when I didn’t show up at church, when I finally fell through the cracks—no one (save my life group) has reached out to me. Not to say “hey” or “Just want you to know I am thinking about you.” Nothing. I was trying to do the right things, trying to avoid conflict at all costs and yet, I can honestly say that I feel like The Cove failed me. The very people I was asking for help, was in all truth, choosing sides—all because their response to the offer of peacekeeping was “There is no problem, it’s all in [author’s] mind.”[2]

Is this seriously the church that Christ founded? A church where people obeyed the bylaws, they obeyed the pastor’s suggestions and was yet told “Your service to the kingdom isn’t worthy of keeping you around.” What would Jesus really think of this situation? All we have to do is look at Jesus’ letter to the Church at Ephesus in the Book of Revelation. Jesus says:

“I know all the things you do. I have seen your hard work and your patient
endurance. I know you don’t tolerate evil people. You have examined the
claims of those who say they are apostles but are not. You have
discovered they are liars. You have patiently suffered for me without quitting.” Jesus is saying, “You are a good church doing many good things!” However, He continues: "But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love me or each other as you did at first! Look how far you have fallen! Turn back to me and do the works you did at first. If you don’t repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from
its place among the churches” (NLT).[3]

The author of the open letter to The Cove Church went on to say “Mike, I want you to know that I love The Cove and I forgive those who have asked me to resign as a teacher, those who have asked me to change campuses and even the two that injured my heart, my faith and my perception of The Cove.” [4]

When the church hurts us, and unfortunately it will eventually happen, there are three things that I believe God wants for us to remember and to do.

1) Stay in God's Manual for our grief. Unashamedly, unshakably and unreservedly draw your hope and healing from God's word, The Bible.

2) Pursue the Holiness you hope for others. You can demand of other what you yourself will not pursue. Go after the same holiness that you want to see in others. Fight the good fight and urge others to do the same. When you face hurts in the church, forgive, repent and repeat. Trust that God is doing a good work in you!

3) Trust that love will eventually prevail. This doesn't mean that everything will be okay tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year. To truly love someone is to see them at their worst and lvoe the best in them. Love doesn't mean you avoid tough situations, you are able to walk into those situations, you are able to find someone completely frustrating and still want what is best for that person and oddly enough you can love them without liking them.[5] 

Hurt by the church is going to come; it is going to knock you down, it's going to make you lose heart and want to give up--but with the three steps listed above, you can with God's help prevail! 

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[1] http://www.focusonthefamily.com/faith/becoming-a-christian/how-do-i-find-the-right-church/overcoming-a-bad-church-experience

[2] http://truestories.thoughts.com/posts/open-letter-to-the-cove-church--2

[3] http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/features/23507-is-the-church-lost#kY78bKhrloGwr4uf.99

[4] See footnote #2 for more information

[5] http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/help-in-overcoming-church-hurt