I am not afraid...I was born to do this...

I'm a firm believer that God removes stumbling blocks and things that bar us from Him. I have been a candidate for ministry since 2017 and last night, my pastor had to deliver the news that the church was pulling their support from my candidacy. However, I didn’t cry, I didn’t get upset, in fact, I think I may have teared up and then thought “Well, okay God what’s next?” But I haven’t felt like a candidate for a long time; in fact, I haven’t felt much like a candidate since we came home from Kenya. 

The reason for pulling their support was that I come across as contentious. And in some ways I am very contentious. I love a good argument, it’s a part of who I am. Yet today, when I was asked by a friend at work how candidacy was going, I just openly said “I am no longer a candidate.” Shock crossed his face and he said “WHAT?” I explained that “I am contentious, and my church can no longer support me as a pastoral candidate.” He just looked at me and said “Do they know what they just lost?” 

This friend has been following my candidacy since we met. We are on very different sides of the UMC split, he is UMCNext and I am Traditionalist. Yet his question was “Do they know what they just lost?” I don’t know if the church really understands what they just lost, what I do know is that Christians are called to be various things at various times and contentious is one of them—Jude vs.3. Tonight my parents asked me “How are you feeling?” “Are you okay?” I looked at them and said “I am fine. When God closes one door, he opens another and all that jazz.” 

I can honestly say I am at peace with the decision of my church. I am at peace because I had already been questioning being a minister, I had thought about lay servant, but even now that is out of the question. But that is great, it means that God has removed something that was blocking my view from Him. 

Over the past few weeks, I have been taking time out and walking through my town at various times of the day, just praying. Praying where the protests have been taking place, praying at City Hall, praying at the County Commissioners office, praying over local businesses, praying with people that need prayer. I have been approaching God with all kinds of prayers. (Ephesians 6:18) And it’s been amazing. I come home and I feel 1000% refreshed, and like I may have made a small difference. 

Yesterday, my friend Kimberly and I went out together. We prayed for businesses to prosper, we prayed for our leaders and those in authority over us. (1 Timothy 2:1) We prayed for hearts to be opened and to be healed. And God kept impressing on me “Two Women and a Prayer.” Now I will be honest, I don’t know exactly what that means. I don’t know if it means that God is leading me to work with another female and pray; I am still praying over it, but I do know that if, I was still a candidate, I wouldn’t be able to pursue what God is doing, I’d be too focused on how to be the perfect candidate. 

Equally, I have taken a huge interest in spiritual warfare. I have started reading everything I can find on how to battle against Satan and his demons. (Ephesians 6:12) In fact, Spiritual Warfare is a neglected subject by the Wesleyan tradition for the most part. As Bob Ayres puts it, “Just because we can wear the armor doesn’t mean we know how to use it. Unless we know how to use it, and use it properly, we don’t stand a chance against our enemy.”

C.S. Lewis writes in the preface to The Screwtape Letters, There are two equal and opposite errors into which our race can fall about the devils. One is to disbelieve in their existence. The other is to believe, and to feel an excessive and unhealthy interest in them. They themselves are equally pleased by both errors and hail a materialist or a magician with the same delight.

I think of St. Joan of Arc, the Maid of Orleans, at the tender age of 13 when she first had her visions of figures she identified as Saint Michael, Saint Catherine, and Saint Margaret, who told her to drive out the English and take the Dauphin to Reims for his consecration. Joan’s military advances were in the physica

l, but she also fought spiritual battles. In fact, she probably championed the battlefield of the mind long before Joyce Meyer, when she said “All battles are first won or lost in the mind.” 

However, today it has become clear, quiet clear, that God has removed the stumbling block that was candidacy; and He is going to do something far greater. So as I go forth to start a new ministry journey, some have asked and may be asking “Are you scared?” “No, I am not afraid…I was born to do this.”