I'll still say Yes!

Jesus never said that storms wouldn’t come in to our lives. In 2016 when I first started to think about working in ministry; I lost my job in the school system due to some choices, I had made. I also found a job that I was actually good at and enjoyed! Yet a storm came in December 2016—and ended on January 17, 2017—with a consent judgement that two former friends would never be friends again. It was heart-breaking for at least one of us. Due to depression and wanting to focus on my new job, I stopped pursuing ministry. In September of 2017, I answered the calling to ministry. According to William J. Abraham and David F. Watson “The Holy Spirit is always calling to us, always reaching out to us and it is our choice to say yes or no to the Spirit. Once we say yes to God, however, we have the responsibility to continue saying yes to God.” It seemed that everything was going well for me…then it happened, Satan started throwing those fiery little darts my way. Storm clouds seemed to start gathering…and immediately became nervous about accepting my call to ministry. I got wait listed by Duke—which may have turned out to be a blessing in disguise—at least to me as an orthodox, conservative leaning Christian. By Sunday, my anxiety was sky high and I started to think "I will just forget ministry...it's not worth being bullied, harassed and having other bare false witness about you."

On Friday evening, I revealed I had been harassed at a concert for children as I was leaving. It was hard to endure bullying yet again. I am 38 years old and a former coworker seems to enjoy harassing me. What makes this hard is that this is someone that was an amazing friend; and one that I never thought would betray my trust in her. David addressed this in Psalm 55:12-14 “For it is not an enemy who taunts me—then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—then I could hide from him. ¹³ But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. ¹⁴ We used to take sweet counsel together; within God's house we walked in the throng.”(ESV)  I like how “The Message” interprets this verse “This isn’t the neighborhood bully mocking me—I could take that. This isn’t a foreign devil spitting invective—I could tune that out. It’s you! We grew up together! You! My best friend! Those long hours of leisure as we walked arm in arm, God a third party to our conversation.” (The MSG). Had I known 100% that this person was going to be at this event, you can believe I would have stayed as far away as I could have from the concert and I wouldn’t have invited my church family into the situation.

Then on Saturday, during my first break at work, I sat in my car—crying—because I was still reeling from the previous night’s events. As I sat in my car, in tears, I turned on my “YouVersion” Bible app. I did what we call a flip and dip (Closed my eyes and picked a book and verse to listen to). The verse I picked was Proverbs 17:4 “An evildoer listens to wicked lips, and a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue.” Immediately my heart was moved to sympathy for the women who were “following the leader.” But that didn’t stop the anxiety and hurt that I was experiencing. I walked back into work and my coworker asked if I was okay, and I just looked at her with tears in my eyes and replied “I could be better.” She looks at me, and said “Rachel, Jesus is with you! He’s with you every step of the way. Remember the three boys in the fiery furnace? Jesus was with them, and they didn’t burn up—they were tested—they prevailed with God’s help. And what about Job? He lost everything!” I stopped her and reminded her that Job’s wife said “Curse God and die.” She said “I don’t remember telling you to think about Job’s wife! I said JOB! He lost everything but his faith—he was tested—he prevailed. You are going to be fine!”

I came home that night and immediately decided to spend my time in prayer! “God, please stay the hand of mine enemy.” Then I started thinking about all those verses in Psalm where David prayed that God would defeat his enemies. Psalm 54:1-3 O God, save me by your name, and vindicate me by your might. ² O God, hear my prayer; give ear to the words of my mouth. ³ For strangers have risen against me; ruthless men seek my life; they do not set God before themselves. Selah Sunday during church, I focused on the sermon, but also on the Psalms, because this weekend, David’s words have really resonated with me. Here was a man after God’s heart and he was being harassed and picked on. Psalm 41:9 states “Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me.” David, and God himself already know what I am going through, the hurt that I am feeling. Once I got home though, God really drove it home for me though that He knows exactly what I am feeling. Matthew 26: 20-25 ²⁰ When it was evening, he reclined at table with the twelve. ²¹ And as they were eating, he said, “Truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” ²² And they were very sorrowful and began to say to him one after another, “Is it I, Lord?” ²³ He answered, “He who has dipped his hand in the dish with me will betray me. ²⁴ The Son of Man goes as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that man if he had not been born.”²⁵ Judas, who would betray him, answered, “Is it I, Rabbi?” He said to him, “You have said so.” Jesus knew that someone he loved would betray Him and you can almost hear Jesus sorrowfully stating this passage. Yet, Jesus loved Judas even to the end—so much so that Jesus went to the cross for even Judas. Luke 22:3 proves that Judas didn’t act on his own accord “³ Then Satan entered into Judas called Iscariot, who was of the number of the twelve.”

As I started to think about the way that I was treated, and even though I thought about it on Friday evening and even mentioned it to my pastor, it hit me like a ton of bricks…my former friend isn’t acting on her own accord—I seriously think that Satan is using her because Satan knows exactly what weapon to use against us. Isaiah says 54:17 “no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.”

On Friday, during my final meeting with my candidate mentors, I presented the following picture with the words written on it “Reflect the Son!” This world is a dark place, and while we may have friends who slip into darkness without realizing that they are in a place of darkness. I am fairly certain that my former friend doesn’t realize that she’s being used as Satan’s weapon against me.

Some friends have asked me “Why not take this woman to court and all I can say is 1 Corinthians 6 encourages us to stay away from lawsuits instead verse 6:7b states “Why not rather suffer wrong? Why not rather be defrauded?” Personally I’d rather be wronged and defrauded. Romans 12:19-21 “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” ²⁰ To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” ²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” So how do we heap coals on people’s heads when we can’t give them food or drink? We pray for them; we love them. Matthew 5:43-44 ⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” While this weekend has been rough, and I nearly quit again—I will not allow Satan the pleasure of quashing my love for Christ and ministry—I will continue to be a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ; no matter what happens—I will, with God’s help, prevail. Until then, I will pray for the salvation of those who persecute me, that God will bless and keep them; and that I'll still say yes!